Saturday, March 7, 2015

True love... ♥♥

Today was a lovely day... the sunshine was absolute bliss. I am so excited for spring to come for real. It makes Ephraim feel almost like the other side of Heaven ;) Really though. I love the sun. I kept coming up with reasons to go outside. First working on a project at the library. Then going to the store. Bringing a letter to Albanee. Then just going to the park to talk on the phone. I successfully didn't sit in the apartment all day, so I guess it was a success :) 
Well this post was going to talk about something else. But I began with writing about what was going to be tagged onto the end... and it just became a (hopefully not too) rambling post of its own. So here it is: a lovely little message about love. :)
I came across this video on Facebook... It is so sweet. The love of the husband for his wife is amazing.  It's a little long, but watch it. You'll be glad you did :)
Even when she goes blind and can't see what he does for her, he continues to do it out of love for her. That's true love right there! I feel like so many often weigh out love- only willing to do so much as they can get in return. Even with their own spouse- the one they promise to love unconditionally and forever- it seems that people too often are concerned with having an equal load of obligations, and unwilling to put forth more effort or care than the other side. But not this lovely husband... his wife is losing the ability to do so many of the things she could before do. She is determined to do everything in order to maintain that she loves her husband... and she has no idea all that her husband is doing for her. He isn't doing any of it so that she'll know- not so he can gain recognition or anything else from it- but because he loves her! It's just so sweet... Shouldn't we all act with greater love and devotion?
I know I'm not married yet. And don't plan on it for a while longer... but when I see things like this it reminds me of what I want in my future marriage. It reminds me of the love I want my husband to have for me, but even more the selfless love I want to feel for my husband.
In Family Relations we learned about the Social Exchange Theory. Basically the idea that in every relationship we weigh the potential "costs vs. gains", and if an individual must "put in" more than they might "gain" from the relationship, it likely won't endure. Yes I think there's truth to this. Obviously I don't think anyone should be in a relationship where they blindly serve their spouse while being emotionally battered or physically beaten. There are obviously relationships that don't work. But I think that this idea of "social exchange" is often used too much to guide our relationships. It seems that relationships often don't work out because each individual looks at things through their individual eyes- what can I get from this relationship?- rather than what can I give to this relationship? Shouldn't we really ask what we can do for that person? If you love the person, then why not treat them like it? Do you love them for what they give to you? Or for who they are? How they make you want to become? How you can grow together? 
Well I think the husband in this video is an example all of us can look to- whether married or not. I think the world could benefit TONS if everyone put in a little more and became a little less concerned with what they were getting out of relationships. If everyone just loved a little more all around, we'd all receive a little more love as well... win-win, right? :)



And while I'm thinking about love... another thing from my Family Relations class:
The other day in class we were talking about commitment. We talked about it for a while- about some crazy supposed family expert who claims that commitment is futile. Pointless. A waste of time. Well, I personally could not disagree more. And I sure hope a chunk of people would agree with me. This guy also talks about the "Dimensions of a Contemporary Relationship". It was the third "dimension" that kind of boggled my mind- that it necessary to have an "acceptance of contemporary morality". Basically that in a contemporary relationship, it should be acceptable, even expected to cheat on your partner. That you should both be open to "negotiation"- that you should be open to change and diversity in your relationship. So basically commitment is pointless. Love is for your whims. Go with whomever you feel like that day. You face a problem in your current relationship? Things aren't as hunky-dory as you'd planned? Why even try to figure things out? You should be flexible and open to necessary changes. BLEGH! Whatever "family expert" this guy is said to be... I am (needless to say) not in agreement with those views... And thankfully, neither was our professor. 
For the rest of class he played different love songs and we basically analyzed their level of true commitment and the legitimacy of the love described in the song. Pretty great :). One of the songs we listened to surprised me. Not the song itself but because of the way it was introduced by our professor. He told us a story. 
As a single and fairly fresh RM, he was searching far and wide for his would be wife. One day he had a date planned. As he headed to leave, his dad stopped him before driving. 
"So is this the one?", Dad said.
To which prof. said he didn't really know that there was a specific one. That there must be many girls that would be a good wife and mother.
At this point in the story prof. actually started to tear up. This guy is kind of a joke-ster. I really wouldn't expect him to cry. Ever in class. But there he was tearing up as he continued on with his story. His dad had then proceeded to tell of the love he had for his wife. That he knew that she was the one for him. And that he would never and could never forget that. She was the one for him.
At that point my prof. had decided that that is what he needed to find. He had to find the one that was right for him. And find he did... as he's now happily married with a bunch of kids. ;) 
Well, this song is the one that prof. said portrayed the feelings his dad had expressed that day. He cherished that day. He held it above most other memories of his father- and always remembered it as an example of what he would seek in his own marriage. Well here's the song:
It's "Beautiful In My Eyes" by Joshua Kadison.
It's a nice song. But hearing my professors opinion of it makes it stand out to me so much more. 
 If you don't want to watch another video/listen to the song, here are the lyrics which we read over in class:
"You're my peace of mind, in this crazy world.
You're everything I've tried to find, your love is a pearl,
You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainbow skies
and my only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
"The world will turn and the seasons will change
and all the lessons we will learn will be beautiful in strange.
We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs.
My only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
"You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
"When there are lines upon my face from a lifetime of smiles,
when the time comes to embrace for one long last while,
we can laugh about how time really flies.
We won't say goodbye, cause true love never dies.
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
"You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow 
ever more beautiful in my eyes"

I love the words! It just sticks out so much to me in contrast with the ideas of that crazy guy I talked about above... Love isn't just about feeling a rush of passion and it can't be abandoned at the slightest whim to move on to someone else. It's something you have to fight for! As I've taken family and marriage-related classes this year, as well as read people's blogs on relationships I've realized this more than ever... (actually it's got me a little terrified to get married ;)... LOVE. MARRIAGE. FAMILY. It's not easy and I don't think it's intended to be so. It's something you have to fight for. Something you have to keep trying for and strengthening every day. I think it most definitely takes COURAGE. I used to think my struggles would be over once I could get married in the temple to my perfect prince and live happily ever after. But the closer it comes, the more difficult I realize it is. I'm not married. Some of you might scoff at my writing about love and marriage, thinking I have absolutely no experience. Which may be true :) But I'm not trying to give advice or anything... I'm just saying it how I feel it is! Even if I'm not married yet, I do believe that commitment is IMPORTANT. It is NOT futile. And I don't plan on forgetting that once I do get married :)

I love where this song talks about the world turning, seasons changing, and both beautiful and strange lessons to be learned. As with anything there are ups and downs. "We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs." Things aren't easy. Life wasn't intended to be easy. Nor was love. But despite those challenges and tears, I love that the lyrics say "YOU'LL ALWAYS BE BEAUTIFUL IN MY EYES". They don't talk of that beauty fading as the wrinkles appear. As trials come up. As the couple grows used to being together. They say that with the passing years, "you will always grow more beautiful in my eyes" It doesn't talk about lines on their faces from growing old or from difficulties- but of the lines "upon my face from a lifetime OF SMILES".

LOVE. Isn't it a lovely thing? Difficult. Courageous. Maybe terrifying. A whole lot of other things I won't pretend to understand until I am married. But oh, so wonderful! I don't think we'd appreciate it as much if we didn't have to fight for it. The best things in life don't come easy... but that is what makes them the best. We wouldn't realize the good if we didn't have to experience the bad alongside it. 
I just hope I remember this when I am facing a marriage and family with changing seasons and strange lessons to learn... the one thing I NEVER want to forget and I hope no one else does is this:

Commitment is not futile!!! 

Yep. So why don't we all just love a little more? Focus less on the gains we can get from our relationships, and more on what we can give to those we love. We do, after all, love them don't we? Why not let it show a bit more? :)

Love more. Smile more. Be happy more. Especially with your spouse/family/roommates/whoever. I think we all could benefit from that.



Oh, and just for viewing pleasure... a picture or two from our lovely evening last night... 


Curlers!!! :)


Until you realize you need to go to the store in order to get avocado for homemade facial... this here is our lovely attempt to cover up the curlers ;) We decided the curlers were better on their own...

And homemade guacamole facial! Consisting of: 1 avocado, 2 tsp plain Greek yogurt, 2 tsp honey, and 2 tsp olive oil...

Preeeeetttty beautiful. If I do say so myself. 
Although a little gross... it was a little clumpy for my liking.. I think I'd recommend the softest avocado you can find. Ours was a little firm for mushing up... oh well! It was still quite the adventure. :)


And then just one final thought on love... :)

1 comment:

  1. Love your insight. It will help you've happy. I also love the photos, you forgot to post how you looked when the avocado washed off and the curlers came out. Love you!

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